“Please Don’t Tell Me That”

One of the strangest things happens when someone announces they’re pregnant.

They share exciting news.

And suddenly everyone starts sharing their horror stories.

“I was in labor for 42 hours.”

“My sister almost died.”

“My cousin had an emergency C section.”

“My friend’s baby was in the NICU.”

“I tore so badly…”

Stop.

Please don’t tell me that.

Or at least, not right now.

When someone shares that they’re pregnant, they aren’t asking for a collection of worst-case scenarios. They’re sharing one of the biggest moments of their life.

They’re excited. They’re nervous. They’re hopeful. They’re vulnerable.

What they need most is support.

They need:

“Congratulations!”

“How are you feeling?”

“When are you due?”

“I’m so excited for you.”

“Let me know how I can help.”

“You’re going to do great.”

Pregnancy already comes with enough uncertainty. Most expecting parents spend months wondering if they’re making the right decisions, if the baby is growing well, what labor will be like, and how life will change after birth.

They don’t need fear added to the list.

As a doula, I’ve met many pregnant women who can repeat someone else’s birth story in perfect detail years later. They remember every frightening part. What started as a casual conversation became something they carried with them into their own pregnancy.

The problem is that hearing about someone else’s difficult experience doesn’t prepare a person for birth. It often just creates anxiety.

Every pregnancy is different.

Every labor is different.

Every baby is different.

Your experience is not your sister’s.

It’s not your friend’s.

It’s not your mother’s.

And it’s certainly not your coworker’s cousin’s neighbor’s story.

That doesn’t mean difficult experiences shouldn’t be discussed. There is a time and place for honest conversations about birth. But when someone is sharing the joyful news that they’re expecting, ask yourself:

Am I offering support?

Or am I offering fear?

A pregnant person doesn’t need to hear every scary thing that could happen.

They need encouragement.

They need confidence.

They need people who believe in them.

So, the next time someone tells you they’re pregnant, try this:

“Congratulations! How are you feeling?”

It may be the most helpful thing you can say.

And trust me, it’s exactly what they need to hear.

Nurture & Connect Doula Services, LLC

Certified Postpartum Doula, Birth Doula, CLS, CPST & Certified Community Health Worker

517-749-1027